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Jan 10, 2008

Advice for Girls Who Can’t Be Alone…Even in Photographs

Posted by: ms.vainglorious


Ms. Vainglorious’ MySpace School for Proper Young Ladies: Part II

So, it all starts out with a simple fear of going to the bathroom on your own—and hey, that’s understandable. Women have insisted on bathroom buddies for decades. But when you can’t post a photo of yourself on your MySpace profile—without the company of your sexy gal pal—I loose the ounce of compassion and patience I once cherished. These “double trouble” photos are pushing me to the very brink of sanity.

You know the ones I’m talking about—the photo of the two girls with low cut dresses; heads are touching, cheeks sucked in, lips pursed. With wine in hand, they burn holes into the camera with their sultry eyes, as if to say, “If you think I’m sexy, and you want my body, come on sugar, let me—er, I mean, the both of us—know.”

I mean really, do you bring your friends with you to the DMV when your get your license photo taken? Are you trying to seduce me with your homo-erotic-sorority-sister-act? Well, I’m not impressed. It’s your profile, so get your own photo. And while you’re at it, dig up that pesky little thing called “dignity.”

Jan 3, 2008

You can kiss my country adz

Posted by: Total Stranger


Is there anything better than the The Dukes of Hazzard? I mean you got crazy country boys, fast cars, hard liquor and Daisy Duke's short shorts. Okay, maybe it's not 21st Century PC but neither is Joe Simpson's oogling of his daughter's - recent Daisy Duke Jessica Simpson - upper body, but we seem to give that a pass... ewww.

The reason I bring up The Dukes is this page. With the cars, country music and all, I get moonshine madness. Next thing you know I'll wrap myself in a rebel flag and drink cleaning products.

"It might be the corn likker talkin' but you're quite the stud, Boss Hog."

Best thing about this page is the car. But it's lost behind all the personal noise. Position everything around the car, I mean what's more important, you or that hot rod?

Jan 2, 2008

The Latest Movie Hype on MySpace

Posted by: aja_blogger


By Aja Fern

As the ads for Johnny Depp’s new film “Sweeny Todd” fade away, ads for a new movie called “Untraceable” have been popping up all over MySpace. In this movie, an FBI agent specializing in cyber crimes stumbles upon a Web site called killwithme.com. (And, yes, a site by this title exists on the Web, spawned, no doubt, by the cyber-savvy Hollywood PR machine.) In “Untraceable,” the killer posts live videos of his victims on the Internet. The more people who log on to see the video feed, the faster the victim dies. Sounds gruesome, doesn’t it? FBI agent Jennifer Marsh, played by Diane Lane, is tasked with hunting down a seemingly untraceable serial killer. As time runs out, the cat and mouse chase becomes more personal.

Well, it gets better. If you click on one of the ads for the movie (found everywhere on MySpace), you are automatically directed to the movie’s official site. Once there, you can view pictures, find out tons of information about the movie, and play a game with the killer himself. That’s right! The game asks you to become an agent to help catch the killer and shut down his Web site. But be careful. Every once in a while the killer will instant message you menacing sentiments order to break you down.

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Dec 20, 2007

What do you want from me Angelique?

Posted by: Total Stranger


What do you want from me Angelique? Is it my undying love? You have it. You had it the moment I stepped into your world. Nothing hits my infatuation zone harder than a clean, neat page. What is it Tom Cruise said (Not some screed about Scientology, god forbid) "You had me at hello." So there, I said it, I love neat clean pages. And it's bizzaro world because I'm anything but clean and neat. There must be some dark secret tale involving my potty training that explains it.

But the longer our dalliance matured, Angelique, the closer to the black hole I crept. The initial love for cleanliness and order turned sour when I dug a little deeper. Sadness hangs over the page as thick as grease hangs over Burger King. Are you mad or sad? I feel something. But you're stepping lightly. Alanis got there by hitting back hard. So did Gwen. The vocals need hurt and pain; the guitar more anger. Give me primal scream and I'll keep you on shuffle; anything less and you end up unchecked in the itunes box of love.

Dec 18, 2007

Total Stranger has Arrived!

Posted by: Total Stranger


Hi. I’m Total Stranger. I’m 50-percent psychiatrist, 50-percent fashion designer and 50-percent ass. For math majors that’s 150-percent. Means I’m 1.5 times better than the rest of y’all. Weep on. Let’s get to bizness.

Look at this page. What’s that smell? I think it’s schizophrenia frying. There are more multiple personalities at work here than love handles at a Britney/Jennifer Love-Hewitt beach party.

1.) There’s the 50-year-old woman who gets wet over Jeff Gordon. The url, the pictures – I can only thank you for none with his shirt off – and the big clock counting down until the start of racing season; all I want to know is how fast does Jeff get you from zero to sixty? And there’s nothing wrong with it. I have an unholy love for Ina Garten. Whatever gets you through the night, darlin’.
2.) But what does Mclovin Jeff have to do with pink, purple and jeebus maximus what’s with all the hooker angels? Looks like the 50-year old got into a dose of High School Musical and went crazy.

And that’s why we’re in assault mode.

Listen, only a Total Stranger can be blunt. Make a page that honors your big girl sweats for everything #24 or honor your inner 14-year old and go all pink and purple with fairies and unicorns, remembering the days when David Cassidy made you squeal. Anything else makes me squeamish.

BTW, pink on purple only shows up when highlighted... try another color. Those angels are making me hot. Thank you for that.

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Dec 17, 2007

Mash That Shit Up

Posted by: james-b


By James Brown

Lately, while looking through MySpace, I've begun to notice a lot of re-mix music spaces. Are you a broke-assed music savant who wants to get in on the game? Well, we've done a little digging and come up with everything you need to know to rip off everything and everyone you know. It's called "audacity." It's a freeware: a user-friendly music program that will allow you to make mashups. To find this little gem, all you will need to do is search for this phrase: "audacity music mix." Go ahead, show us what you've got out there in the way of mashups.

Yes, you too can combine your favorite songs to make a mashup. You can post them to MySpace and run the risk of getting a cease and desist letter from Capitol/EMI. For more on that, search for "the Beachles," and read about the pit falls of ripping off copyrighted music. Still, it's a very cool thing to do when it turns out well. Here are some mashup masterminds worth listening to on the Web:

DJ Roy Batty: A mash up of Information Society and White Zombie. "More Info than Info.”

DJ Danger Mouse: The Grey Album: The Beatles White Album mashed with Jay Z's The Black Album. He was tracked down by Capitol EMI and is rumored to now be employed by, who else, Jay Z. (We're still trying to confirm this net rumor.)

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Dec 10, 2007

Celebs on MySpace: Don't Let Posers Fool You!

Posted by: aja_blogger


By Aja Fern

Ever wanted to track down your favorite celebrities on MySpace, only to find hundreds of pages claiming to be theirs? How do you find the real deal? How do you differentiate between all the celebrity posers? PimpMySpace will give you a few hints to find what you're really looking for.

Of course, there are always those promotional MySpace pages out there for music groups, movies, and sitcoms, but let's be honest: we all know most of those pages aren't even seen by the actual celebs. So how do you find their real pages? Although the task may be daunting, there are a few ways you can tell when you've found a real celebrity MySpace page.

1.) OFFICIAL WEB SITE

Before browsing MySpace for your favorite celebrity, check out their official Web sites first. Some celebrities will have a link to their MySpace pages from there. This is probably the best way to find celebrity MySpace pages.

2.) FRIENDS

One of the most obvious ways to tell if you've come across a celebrity's personal MySpace page is by how many friends they have. If their friend list is in the hundreds to thousands, you've probably found a legit page.

3.) HEADLINE

Check the headline (located to the right of their default picture). Most headlines will say that the page is the official site for the celebrity. However, posers can easily do this, too, so don't rely just on the headline to make your decision.

4.) BLOGS

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Nov 28, 2007

Stealin' Code: It's All Good!

Posted by: james-b


By James Brown

So, you've decided you want to pimp out your space and be uber cool like all your dim-witted friends? Fantastic, let's get one thing straight right now my little clue bags, anything on the Internet is in the public domain and in my opinion belongs to everyone. What's that you say? Copyright infringement? I don't have the time to get off into the uncharted bizarro world that is Internet copyright law. What I know is this: if something is cool, it's cool and we must have it. That said, let's take a look at one of my friends who recently spent a couple of weeks splitting hairs about the ethical issues surrounding "borrowing" code from other's spaces.

My friend: Hi, I want to put the "Leave Britney Alone!" guy on my MySpace page. In fact, I want to do a whole theme surrounding myself with Britney Spears and her cult like following. Can you help me?

Me: Psychologically speaking, I seriously doubt that anyone can help you. Seriously, are you even listening to what you're saying, or do you just have a bad case of diarrhea of the mouth? However, if you're bent and determined to pimp this poor, mentally ill, product of media overload on your space, who am I to say no? Take your crack over there to the page you like, whether it's Britney's or Chris Crocker's (The "Leave Britney Alone!" Guy) and do this: click on "view" in the upper left hand corner of your web browser, then click on "source." Voila, that's the code to the entire page. You can reproduce it perfectly that way.

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Nov 26, 2007

MySpace: The Mecca for Celebrity Gossip

Posted by: aja_blogger


By Aja Fern

Once upon a time, before MySpace became the living, breathing creation that it is, celebrity gossip was limited to shady sources like The National Enquirer, Star magazine, and Us Weekly. Although the gossip was juicy and entertaining, how was one to know whether or not the things written really happened?

Enter MySpace. As the site grew over the years, not only did it become one of the nation’s largest networking sites, but it also became one of the nation’s largest celebrity promotional sites as well. Before we knew it, major motion pictures were canning official Web sites and making their own MySpace pages instead. Music groups ranging from local garage bands to famous rock stars were promoting their music to thousands of fans. Celebrities themselves were making a home for themselves on MySpace, allowing people to personally contact them in ways they would never have been able to five years ago. What better source than the actual source?!

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Nov 22, 2007

Advice for Girls Who Troll for Dirt

Posted by: ms.vainglorious


Ms. Vainglorious’ MySpace School for Proper Young Ladies: Part I

You want to look, but maybe you shouldn’t. You tell yourself that your little MySpace obsession is just a way to keep in touch with old friends. Yeah, right. And I’m a leprechaun with twelve toes who speaks Pig Latin and poops out quarters like a vending machine. C’mon, people. MySpace is a fishbowl; it’s a peep show and a train wreck.

Each night, it’s the same routine. You sit down with your laptop in the comfort of your own home, and begin the ritual of gaping in horror and amusement at what you just “happen” to stumble upon. And as always, this little game starts innocently enough. You’re just cruising around, checking out your friends’ profiles, and their friends’ profiles, and the friends of your friends’ friends’ profiles. And so on. And this goes on for a long while without incident. But invariably, at some point in the evening, you find yourself on your ex-boyfriend’s MySpace page. Hello old friend. And, on queue, you flutter your sweet doe eyes and wonder just how in the world you ended up here… when all of a sudden you just “happen” to notice that some blonde girly—let’s call her “Tiffany” for the sake of practicality— has been leaving flirty comments for this boyfriend-cum-jack-ass.

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