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Dec 20, 2007

What do you want from me Angelique?

Posted by: Total Stranger


What do you want from me Angelique? Is it my undying love? You have it. You had it the moment I stepped into your world. Nothing hits my infatuation zone harder than a clean, neat page. What is it Tom Cruise said (Not some screed about Scientology, god forbid) "You had me at hello." So there, I said it, I love neat clean pages. And it's bizzaro world because I'm anything but clean and neat. There must be some dark secret tale involving my potty training that explains it.

But the longer our dalliance matured, Angelique, the closer to the black hole I crept. The initial love for cleanliness and order turned sour when I dug a little deeper. Sadness hangs over the page as thick as grease hangs over Burger King. Are you mad or sad? I feel something. But you're stepping lightly. Alanis got there by hitting back hard. So did Gwen. The vocals need hurt and pain; the guitar more anger. Give me primal scream and I'll keep you on shuffle; anything less and you end up unchecked in the itunes box of love.

Dec 18, 2007

Total Stranger has Arrived!

Posted by: Total Stranger


Hi. I’m Total Stranger. I’m 50-percent psychiatrist, 50-percent fashion designer and 50-percent ass. For math majors that’s 150-percent. Means I’m 1.5 times better than the rest of y’all. Weep on. Let’s get to bizness.

Look at this page. What’s that smell? I think it’s schizophrenia frying. There are more multiple personalities at work here than love handles at a Britney/Jennifer Love-Hewitt beach party.

1.) There’s the 50-year-old woman who gets wet over Jeff Gordon. The url, the pictures – I can only thank you for none with his shirt off – and the big clock counting down until the start of racing season; all I want to know is how fast does Jeff get you from zero to sixty? And there’s nothing wrong with it. I have an unholy love for Ina Garten. Whatever gets you through the night, darlin’.
2.) But what does Mclovin Jeff have to do with pink, purple and jeebus maximus what’s with all the hooker angels? Looks like the 50-year old got into a dose of High School Musical and went crazy.

And that’s why we’re in assault mode.

Listen, only a Total Stranger can be blunt. Make a page that honors your big girl sweats for everything #24 or honor your inner 14-year old and go all pink and purple with fairies and unicorns, remembering the days when David Cassidy made you squeal. Anything else makes me squeamish.

BTW, pink on purple only shows up when highlighted... try another color. Those angels are making me hot. Thank you for that.

This is a page humpin’ the rhymes of m.o.b. How do you know it’s humpin’ (their/his?) rhymes because the beat down starts once the page opens? No problem there, unless you’re listening. Man’s rhymes aren’t quit Eminem (hit you with the Big Mac waitin’ for the secret sauce – don’t wait on that Ronald McDonald endorsement) but we’re not a hate machine for the rhymes. If we tried rhymin’ there’d be references to bloomin’ onions and loving with me was a Funyun… whatever.

It’s the page. The background kills. The music’s bangin’ my door. The information’s, ah, where the freak is the information? Honestly, wtf?

Listen, only a Total Stranger can be blunt. Clean up the information. People listening to the rhymes might want to know who the frank is m.o.b. This is about selling yourself. Make it easy on the rest of us. Make the shite readable.

Dec 17, 2007

Mash That Shit Up

Posted by: james-b


By James Brown

Lately, while looking through MySpace, I've begun to notice a lot of re-mix music spaces. Are you a broke-assed music savant who wants to get in on the game? Well, we've done a little digging and come up with everything you need to know to rip off everything and everyone you know. It's called "audacity." It's a freeware: a user-friendly music program that will allow you to make mashups. To find this little gem, all you will need to do is search for this phrase: "audacity music mix." Go ahead, show us what you've got out there in the way of mashups.

Yes, you too can combine your favorite songs to make a mashup. You can post them to MySpace and run the risk of getting a cease and desist letter from Capitol/EMI. For more on that, search for "the Beachles," and read about the pit falls of ripping off copyrighted music. Still, it's a very cool thing to do when it turns out well. Here are some mashup masterminds worth listening to on the Web:

DJ Roy Batty: A mash up of Information Society and White Zombie. "More Info than Info.”

DJ Danger Mouse: The Grey Album: The Beatles White Album mashed with Jay Z's The Black Album. He was tracked down by Capitol EMI and is rumored to now be employed by, who else, Jay Z. (We're still trying to confirm this net rumor.)

Clayton Counts: The Beachles, The Beach Boys Pet Sounds mashed with The Beatles Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band. Clayton Counts went through a long legal battle with Capitol/EMI over the whole thing. Lately, he has released Part II of "The Beachles" and has donated 100% of the money raised to cancer research. Clayton Counts can be found on MySpace working under the title Coloring Book.

Yes, my little MySpace minions of DJ's to be...now is the time to launch the record company assault volume II. Down with Capitol EMI! Radiohead's latest album is on-line for free, or whatever you want to pay, and is their first release independent of any label. I haven't heard it yet, but it is getting rave reviews.

It has been my experience in talking with many of the self-produced artists that they are using a program called Acid 5.0 to mix their music. I was even offered a boot leg, but declined. Audacity is a very good beginner's mixing program. Acid 5.0, I have been told, is for the more advanced user.

Now, I'd like to offer you some of the best of the MySpace Music Pages. The following people are self-produced who know what they’re doing.

#1. A Staircase Transfer: I Want to Talk to Strangers. These guys are from the Netherlands I think? Anyway, they are uber cool, the music is experimental, and the writing is impossible to believe. You could never, in a million years, guess that two guys in their twenties produced such a fantastic NEW sound. It really is the most beautiful NEW music on MySpace.
http://www.MySpace.com/astaircasetransfer

#2. Goddamn Electric Bill: You've got to see the video to "Lost In the Zoo." This is ART!
http://www.MySpace.com/goddamnelectricbill

#3. PinkSide of the Moon: Pink is from California, they have a great new sound, and are very friendly. You'll be glad you checked them out!
http://www.MySpace.com/leeandjolee

Alas, it has been "a long December, and there's reason to believe maybe this year will be better than the last." I'm off to cash in my aluminum can collection. I'll see you next year when all this shit has blown over.

-Schizo James

Read more of James’ interview with Clayton Counts at his blog:
http://toothpickintermitetown.blogspot.com/2007/09/10-questions-for-clay...

Dec 10, 2007

Celebs on MySpace: Don't Let Posers Fool You!

Posted by: aja_blogger


By Aja Fern

Ever wanted to track down your favorite celebrities on MySpace, only to find hundreds of pages claiming to be theirs? How do you find the real deal? How do you differentiate between all the celebrity posers? PimpMySpace will give you a few hints to find what you're really looking for.

Of course, there are always those promotional MySpace pages out there for music groups, movies, and sitcoms, but let's be honest: we all know most of those pages aren't even seen by the actual celebs. So how do you find their real pages? Although the task may be daunting, there are a few ways you can tell when you've found a real celebrity MySpace page.

1.) OFFICIAL WEB SITE

Before browsing MySpace for your favorite celebrity, check out their official Web sites first. Some celebrities will have a link to their MySpace pages from there. This is probably the best way to find celebrity MySpace pages.

2.) FRIENDS

One of the most obvious ways to tell if you've come across a celebrity's personal MySpace page is by how many friends they have. If their friend list is in the hundreds to thousands, you've probably found a legit page.

3.) HEADLINE

Check the headline (located to the right of their default picture). Most headlines will say that the page is the official site for the celebrity. However, posers can easily do this, too, so don't rely just on the headline to make your decision.

4.) BLOGS

Check the blog section. If their are several blogs posted, chances are the celebrity is actually writing them. Most posers don't take the time to write blogs, and if they do, they are posting irrelevant things that have nothing to do with the celebrity's career. Read them carefully. Most celebrities will mix in entries about their personal life and their career (promoting movies, music, or anything else they are famous for).

5.) LINKS

Check if the MySpace page has links. Does the page link back to the celebrity's official Web site? Does the page link to the celebrity's current projects? Posers won't take the time to do this either, so this is a great way to tell if you are viewing the celebrity's actual MySpace profile.

6.) PICTURES

Looking at the pictures is probably one of the most important things you can do to tell if you are looking at a poser's page. Most posers will find copyrighted images online and use them on their page, and it's pretty easy to tell the difference between an actual picture and an image you can find anywhere online. If the pictures look real, and there is more than one in their pictures, you've probably found the real deal.

7.) PRIVACY SETTINGS

If the celebrity puts their MySpace page on private, there's a good chance it's really theirs. Most posers keep their pages viewable to everyone for attention seeking purposes. Although you cannot view a page that is set on private, you can add and/or message the celebrity. If you are lucky, they will accept your friend request and you'll be able to view their page.

8.) HOW FAMOUS ARE THEY?

I hate to say it, but A-List celebrities will be hard to find on MySpace. Most just don't have the time or energy to dedicate to managing their profiles; and those who do value MySpace as a platform, often hand control over to their publicists. However, don't get discouraged! A lot do, it just takes time and patience to find them. Also, you'd be surprised with how many has-beens or D-Listers are on MySpace! Celebs who were once famous in the late 80s and early 90s will most definitely have a MySpace profile. Trust me.

Now that you've been given some hints about how to find celebrities on myspace, go online and start browsing!

Too lazy to browse? You can find a list of celebrities who have MySpace pages via Wikipedia.org, or visit www.MySpacecelebrities.com to find them there (be forewarned, not all pages submitted are the actual celebrity MySpace pages.)

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