Apple iTunes

Dec 18, 2007

Posted by: Total Stranger


Hi. I’m Total Stranger. I’m 50-percent psychiatrist, 50-percent fashion designer and 50-percent ass. For math majors that’s 150-percent. Means I’m 1.5 times better than the rest of y’all. Weep on. Let’s get to bizness.

Look at this page. What’s that smell? I think it’s schizophrenia frying. There are more multiple personalities at work here than love handles at a Britney/Jennifer Love-Hewitt beach party.

1.) There’s the 50-year-old woman who gets wet over Jeff Gordon. The url, the pictures – I can only thank you for none with his shirt off – and the big clock counting down until the start of racing season; all I want to know is how fast does Jeff get you from zero to sixty? And there’s nothing wrong with it. I have an unholy love for Ina Garten. Whatever gets you through the night, darlin’.
2.) But what does Mclovin Jeff have to do with pink, purple and jeebus maximus what’s with all the hooker angels? Looks like the 50-year old got into a dose of High School Musical and went crazy.

And that’s why we’re in assault mode.

Listen, only a Total Stranger can be blunt. Make a page that honors your big girl sweats for everything #24 or honor your inner 14-year old and go all pink and purple with fairies and unicorns, remembering the days when David Cassidy made you squeal. Anything else makes me squeamish.

BTW, pink on purple only shows up when highlighted... try another color. Those angels are making me hot. Thank you for that.

This is a page humpin’ the rhymes of m.o.b. How do you know it’s humpin’ (their/his?) rhymes because the beat down starts once the page opens? No problem there, unless you’re listening. Man’s rhymes aren’t quit Eminem (hit you with the Big Mac waitin’ for the secret sauce – don’t wait on that Ronald McDonald endorsement) but we’re not a hate machine for the rhymes. If we tried rhymin’ there’d be references to bloomin’ onions and loving with me was a Funyun… whatever.

It’s the page. The background kills. The music’s bangin’ my door. The information’s, ah, where the freak is the information? Honestly, wtf?

Listen, only a Total Stranger can be blunt. Clean up the information. People listening to the rhymes might want to know who the frank is m.o.b. This is about selling yourself. Make it easy on the rest of us. Make the shite readable.